The Waiting Game

I am getting very skilled at the waiting game....it's not something I always enjoy playing, but my life seems to enjoy throwing it my way!
I had a very difficult time getting through the day, because my mind was on my grandfather, and not at all on my students and the job at hand. I must admit I did enjoy little tidbits of the day, when I wasn't emotionally capable of holding in my annoyance for lazy students who don't listen, and let them have a little taste of my anger! But the truth is, my mind was far away on my only grandparent still alive. My mother phoned to tell me that he was in the hospital, with multiple aneurisms (aortic and abdominal) and was also going into renal failure.
It isn't a full-out shock. The only thing inevitable in life, after all, is death. At 89, my grandfather has lived a full and eventful life, although the last few years have taken a toll. But it still comes as such a hit, like you're in the middle of a war, and all around you you're aware that bombs are exploding and people are getting hurt, but you never really see it or feel it till they hit you yourself. Then what you've always known all along becomes real, and becomes part of who you are.
I've had far too much of this lately...such close relationships with all my grandparents doesn't make it any easier. Last night I went to bed and became overwhelmed by the faces flashing before my closed eyelids: my Grandpa Hudson's rosy cheeks and smile, Grandma Hudson's sweet face and little chuckle which still rings in my ears (I hope I never forget it), Grandpa Heath smiling in reminiscence as he tells me a story of war or of his youth, and Grandma Heath with her cheeky sense of humour and tins full of Christmas baking. All such wonderful memories, and how glad I am to have them! But to have lost my Grandma Heath a month before my wedding wasn't fair. And to lose the other three all within a year's span? Ridiculous.
I am still reeling from losing my Hudson grandparents this summer, within a day of each other. I don't think I've really fully grieved yet, just bits and pieces here and there. I went through the Christmas cards of past years this holiday season, and found cards in their handwriting and suddenly they are treasures. Now I may have to face it all again.
I hope and pray Grandpa will pull out of it. The doctor's say he may very well keep going for a while, for aneurisms are completely unpredictable. They may burst tomorrow, or not do so for months. Grandpa, of course, won't allow surgery. I think he's at a point where, were he to go, it's ok. I don't know how the renal failure will play out...we'll just have to wait and see.
Thus the waiting game...I just hope he knows how much I love him. I hope I can say it to him, at least one more time.
Never wait to tell the special people in your life how much you love them. You never know when it will be your last opportunity.